HOW TO DEAL WITH A TOXIC PERSON

Chances are you’ve encountered a toxic person, and if not, you likely will. In our everyday interactions, some relationships can unfortunately turn toxic, reminding us that people and situations aren’t always perfect. Toxicity comes in different forms – some are obvious, others more subtle. While it’s important to be aware of toxic behaviors, remember that people can change and learn. Let’s stay mindful of toxicity, but also offer space for understanding and the chance for people to grow.

In reality, you’ve either met and dealt with a toxic person, know you are a toxic person or are unknowingly toxic yourself. Today, we’ll try to make sense of toxic people. Are they evil by nature? Can someone be toxic without even realizing it? Do they know how much they affect people? Can they change? Should we cut them off from our lives? What if that person is your blood relative or spouse? Should we cut them off too or they are a special case?

We all either know or have an idea of what toxic people are but what we all don’t know is the extent effect a toxic person can influence your life. We’ve all heard that avoiding toxic people is generally a good idea, and we agree with you to some extent. The reason why we say this to an extent is because some of these people are directly linked to our lives e.g. relatives, parents, spouses, or even friends. Should we cut all of them from our lives? Or try to help those who are linked to our lives like our parents or spouses?

Sometimes, the toxic traits of a partner may be carefully concealed before marriage. A person might appear charming, attentive, and loving during courtship, only to reveal their controlling, manipulative, or emotionally damaging behavior once the commitment is formalized. This leaves their partner feeling trapped and disillusioned in the relationship just as discussed in our article on CULTIVATING REAL COMMITMENT IN relationships. 

Can You Be Toxic Without Even Knowing It?

Sometimes, the way we act can hurt others without us even meaning to. Think about the relative who always has a backhanded compliment or a friend who’s always just a bit too competitive. They might not intend to be hurtful, but their behavior has a real impact on the people around them.

We all have blind spots. Our past experiences, hidden biases, and even our need to protect ourselves can lead us to act in ways we don’t fully understand. It’s like driving a car with bad alignment – you think you’re going straight, but you’re drifting.

The good news is, we can change this. The first step is to become more aware of how our words and actions affect others. Ask a trusted friend or family member, “Do I sometimes come across in ways I don’t intend?” It might be uncomfortable, but it’s incredibly helpful.

It’s important to remember that understanding someone’s motives doesn’t make their toxic behavior okay. However, recognizing that they may not be intentionally harmful can help us navigate situations and even guide them toward healthier behaviors.

Unintentional Toxicity: It’s Like an Addiction

Sometimes, being toxic is like being addicted to something – you might not even realize it’s a problem, but those around you see it clearly. Dealing with someone who isn’t aware of their toxicity can be especially difficult and draining.

Toxic people can make your life feel chaotic. They can hold you back with their negativity. They make you feel guilty just for being yourself and often try to make you feel like the problem. They play the victim so well that they convince everyone around them of how hard their life is.

Remember, you’re not alone in this. If you suspect someone in your life is toxic, even if they don’t intend to be, it’s important to prioritize your well-being.

10 Common Signs of Toxic People:

1. They are quick to judge. They form opinions about others without evidence and often share those opinions freely. Their judgments almost always lean towards the negative. They don’t wait for facts, they simply create their own version of what they think happened.
2. They gossip a lot. They gossip a lot. They frequently discuss individuals with you and then misrepresent your words to them in your absence. They can’t resist sharing information from one person to another, pretending to be a trustworthy friend while spreading details about others. This person selectively screenshots private conversations, hides their involvement, and forwards them to the people discussed, causing friction and isolating friends and family. As the Bible says Proverbs 25:9-10 “If you want to tell your friends about your own problems, tell them. But don’t discuss what someone told you in private. Whoever hears it will lose their respect for you and will never trust you again.”
3. They are manipulative. They have a talent for manipulation, expertly employing a variety of strategies to influence and control others for their gain. They weave lies, exploit guilt, draw on past mistakes, and manipulate emotions to get what they want. These individuals are not shy about exploiting vulnerabilities, sowing self-doubt, or creating a sense of dependency by making others rely on their support, advice, or approval. Their manipulative tactics are most often seen in personal relationships and the workplace, where they skillfully bend others to their will.
4. They always lie. In their interactions, they frequently engage in deception. Whether sharing stories about others or engaging in direct communication, they intertwine some truth with lies to paint situations that look very bad. Over time, they’ve perfected the flow of stories that are never entirely true until it has become second nature to them. Deception has become part of their character.
5. They are too sensitive. These kinds of people think everything revolves around them. They make people uneasy and too careful when around them. When comes to any discussions that they were not physically present, they tend to think they were discussed. Their sensitivity translates jokes into an attack against them. Every little thing has a meaning and mostly they think that meaning is about them or it’s an attack against them.
6. They are quick to anger ready to argue with anyone at any time. They lack respect, struggle to control their temper, and seem to thrive on conflict. The smallest things can trigger long, combative outbursts.
7. They are always negative. They never positively see anything. They always complain. They complain about everything, they just never stop complaining. They see the world as a very bad evil place that is there to destroy them. If it rains, they complain about too much rain. If it doesn’t rain, they complain, they never positively see anything.
8. They are too bossy. They want to be the ones controlling everything. They will do everything within their power to make sure that nobody stands in their way.
9. They are perfectionists. Perfectionists demand flawless results, a demand they extend to both themselves and those around them. This constant striving creates high expectations and a deep fear of failure. Their critical nature can cause unhappiness and self-doubt for those in their lives, making it difficult to feel comfortable and accepted.
10. They collect evidence like screenshots, pictures, and recordings to use as leverage against the people around them. This isn’t intended for legal purposes, but rather to control those they’ve targeted, exploiting trust and past confidences.